They run flapathons in secret and everything…..

Christmas was fabulous this year, there were 10 adults, our 4 kids, 6 dogs a few cats, pygmy sheep and some goats. The kids loved every second of it, as they should do, it’s Christmas after all! It’s so exciting, Christmas, at that age, it rather wears off as one grows up…..! It was the scene often viewed in the car on the way home from Orthez (45 minutes away from us), a tired Alex at the wheel, trying to stay awake after the festivities and late night Christmas eve, kids not sleeping because they are genuinely that excited, that they cannot calm themselves down out of the Christmas frenzy, and hence keeping us up all night, and making sure stockings were opened and undone before 7 am on Christmas morning…….Same story in most houses where there are kids I imagine!! When Alex is tired in the car, I am in charge of keeping him talking and thus awake, however we have numerous “Brink of divorce” heated discussions as a result! This is because, in Alex’s state of tiredness, he says to me “Talk to me, talk about something…” I reply “Talk about what?” as I am too tired myself to be making conversation, Alex tells me to talk about whatever, anything, just to talk, so I commence ramblings about utter nonsense, and await the response, he looks at me and asks me what on earth I am talking about. Replying a little edgily, I tell him that I am doing what he asked me to do, to talk about something. He tells me that although he needs me talk to him, he does not need to be hearing the b*ll*cks that has just parted my lips. It carries on like this for a while…….! It is a fair comment, on his part, and it makes me laugh every time we have this, as it always goes the same way! We arrive home safely and still married, lifting the kids who are all asleep (bless them), into their beds and flicking every heater on in sight. As I come back downstairs, I wonder, as I wander out to the garage and am confronted by a revolting sight, whether it is really ever worth going away? Even though it was just one night, I am now about to have to start to clear up 3 huge piles of cat puke, which has been puked on a chair, over collated leaflets (it’s ok, we will save the folks from receiving puked-on-by-cat leaflets and bin them!), and just in front of the washing machine. Which is in fact how I discovered it, as I trod in something squishy. Foot covered in cat puke, I fetch my marigolds, bleach and commence cat-puke clearing up proceedings. The cats have well and truly made the most of having an empty house for 20 hours, there are muddy cat prints everywhere, over the side in kitchen (I know, rank), evidence of where they have been sleeping, hairy sofa and hairy beds. So the hoover now comes out too. You see, is it really worth it?

Tonight, the chickens decided to not take themselves to bed, possibly in protest after we left them to their own devices for one night, so I go out, put the car lights on, and stroll over to their house, they flap madly at me, slightly injuring my wrist, which apparently is not capable of maintaining a flapping chicken for long periods of time, I wait, extending the flapping chicken out at arms length, turning my head away so as not to receive a flap in the eye. Instructing the bird to “Calm down at once!” and “Err, excuse me, Molly, we will have none of this, thank you very much.” But they never stop flapping, seriously, they hold personal bests each of them, for their flap ability. They run flapathons in secret and everything…... So I take a heavier tactic, pushing it into a corner, and woman-handling it into its house. This x 3, as presumably Marjorie, is already in. well-done me, job done, I go to switch the car lights off, seeing an orange object on the driver seat, I see the 4^th chicken, I lift the last violently flapping bird out and see she has poohed all over the seat, great, more shit shoveling tomorrow then (I am not about to tackle it in the dark, no way). But the good news is, Marjorie has laid an egg! I now have 2 performing chickens! Although I have no idea why they seem to favour the car for laying their eggs? I suppose in this house, anything goes. Even the chickens know this…….

We are still on the holidays, so let’s hope the rain stays away (as it has been away for a few days at a time the last week or so), and I have a “must do” for next week, I promised to ring, yes, Make-up lady. She is expecting a phone call at 10.30 on Wednesday morning, yes I had to be that specific with her….! So I hope I do not forget, but as I will never have “Remembered for her outstanding memory” engraved on my head stone…..We will see….!